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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196822">Team Leaders</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyOrb/pseuds/BouncyOrb'>BouncyOrb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:26:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyOrb/pseuds/BouncyOrb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Church and Sarge try to con their way into some alone time away from their teams, but things never go as planned in Blood Gulch.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leonard L. Church/Sarge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue Rare Pair Week</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Team Leaders</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I swear these meetings are a waste of time.” Grif complained. “And not in the way that everything we do is also a waste of time.”</p><p>“Can it, soldier.” Sarge shouted. “We need to keep a constant eye on our enemies if we want to have a chance at victory.”</p><p>“I hate to say I agree with Grif but I do.” Tucker said. “Nobody ever gets anything done here.” Tucker gestured to the table they four of them sat on. “And I’m sure everyone else waiting outside is bored as fuck.”</p><p>“Everyone out there is gonna be bored no matter what.” Church said. “Let’s just get this over with so we can all go back to doing nothing.” Church picked up a sheet of paper and started reading from it. “Any casualties to report?”</p><p>“You said hi to everyone on the way in!” Grif said.</p><p>“You’re obstructing proper procedure, Grif! No casualties to report, how about your people?”</p><p>“Despite Caboose’s best efforts, no.” Church scribbled on the page. “Ok, what about your vehicles?”</p><p>“This whole thing is so dumb!” Tucker shouted. “Do we even have to be here?” he asked, pointing at Grif.</p><p>“Sarge, I mean this in the least respectful way I can say it. This is a stupid idea.”</p><p>“Look, if you two are just gonna bitch then let us get some actual work done.” Church said.</p><p>Grif and Tucker practically ran out of the room.</p><p>“Ungrateful.” Sarge said offhand. “I can’t believe they would leave me alone with the enemy like that.”</p><p>“I told you it would work. We just had to annoy them into leaving us alone.” Church said, taking off his helmet.</p><p>“Things could get dangerous, two enemy soldiers alone like this.” Sarge scooted his chair towards Church.</p><p>“I’m sure you could keep me off of you.” Church stood up and sat down in Sarge’s lap. “If you wanted to.”</p><p>“And what if I don’t want to?” Sarge said, leaning his head forward so Church could remove his helmet.</p><p>“Shut up already.” Church said, pulling himself in for a kiss. The older man’s beard against his face was a familiar sensation, as was the warmth of his lips. Sarge pulled Church closer to him by the hip, and had one hand on the back of his head. They were lost in each others embrace, so terribly focused on feeling each other that they didn’t hear the door open.</p><p>“I forgot my drink I’m just gonna- OH MY GOD.”</p><p>Church’s eyes went wide and Sarge reflexively threw Church off him onto the floor. Grif stood and stared at the two team leaders as they scrambled to act natural.</p><p>“You-”</p><p>“Grif, I have something to tell you.” Sarge said.</p><p>“Wha- I don’t- wha-”</p><p>“Church… is a vampire”</p><p>“Wha- you were- wait what?” Grif was shaken from his stupor by what Sarge said.</p><p>“Church is a vampire and he was attacking me.”</p><p>“Yeah, was he sucking blood from your tongue?”</p><p>“Heh heh, not this time.”</p><p>“Sarge!” Church said, picking up his helmet.</p><p>“Fucking gross.” Grif said as the door swung open again.</p><p>“What the hell’s going on in here?” Tucker asked. “Who’s yelling?”</p><p>“Church and Sarge were making out in here.”</p><p>“Ha, good one, please shut the fuck up now before Simmons has another panic attack.”</p><p>“Tucker, I’m not joking.”</p><p>Tucker looks at Sarge and Church, faces red.</p><p>“Oh, Jesus.” Tucker said, turning away. “I’m gonna be sick.”</p><p>“Guys, this is…”</p><p>“This is what, Church?” Grif said, “Disgusting? Horrifying?”</p><p>“How about confusing!” Tucker said. “Sarge, I thought you hate Blues? He’s the Bluest Blue out there, what’s up with that?”</p><p>“When you battle an enemy for long enough, you begin to develop a begrudging respect for them.”</p><p>“You developed a lot more than that, Sarge.”</p><p>“Tucker, Grif, calm down please.” Church said. “This is not as big a deal as you’re making it.”</p><p>“I think its a pretty big fucking deal!” Grif shouted.</p><p>“Church isn’t he like twice your age?” Tucker asked.</p><p>“Oh, yeah? How old am I, Tucker?” Church asked.</p><p>“You… you’re… Look at the man! He’s prehistoric!”</p><p>“Yes, like a fine wine.” Sarge said. “Or a dry aged steak.”</p><p>“Please don’t discuss your dry aged steak in front of me.” Tucker said. “How long has this been going on?”</p><p>“Long enough for this to not be that big a deal, Tucker, just calm down about it.” Church pleaded.</p><p>“Oh really?” Grif asked. “What if me and Caboose were secret dating, do you think you’d stay calm about it?”</p><p>“I think at this point I wouldn’t be in any position to judge.”</p><p>“I heard someone say my name.” Caboose said, appearing in the doorway. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“Sarge and Church are a couple!” Grif said.</p><p>“They’ve been dating for a while, in secret!” Tucker shouted.</p><p>“Oh, yeah I know.”</p><p>“What!?” Everybody said at once.</p><p>“Yeah. I swear, it’s like I’m the only one here that pays attention around here.”</p><p>“Guys, I thought the meeting was leaders only.” Simmons said as he walked in.</p><p>“Church and Sarge are fucking!” Grif yelled.</p><p>“We were not fucking!” Church yelled back.</p><p>“Not just now, anyway.” Sarge added.</p><p>“Oh, god, are you serious?” Simmons said.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry man, looks like you got a new, Blue, father-in-law.”</p><p>“This is… I can’t… I need someone to explain this to me before my brain melts.”</p><p>“Oh, I know this one!” Caboose said, “When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-”</p><p>“Caboose,” Sarge interrupted, “you know neither of us are women right?”</p><p>“Oh, right, duh.” Caboose laughed to himself. “When two daddies love each other-”</p><p>“Please, Caboose, shut the fuck up.” Simmons said. “I gotta go figure out how to erase memories.”</p><p>“Jesus, I can’t believe this.” Grif said.</p><p>“Somebody said fucking, what’s going on in here?” Kai asked as she came in the room. “Is it these two?” She asked, pointing at Church and Sarge.</p><p>“Was that a guess or did you know too?” Grif asked.</p><p>“Oh I can just tell who’s fucking just by looking at them.”</p><p>“Oh god really?” Simmons asked.</p><p>“Were you guys not gonna tell me you’re having a party?” Donut says, walking into the room.</p><p>“This isn’t a party.” Church says.</p><p>“Looked like you guys were having a party in here.” Simmons says.</p><p>“Who, Church and Sarge?” Donut asked. “Wait a minute… you two were…”</p><p>“Yes, Donut.” Church said. “We were making out.”</p><p>“Wait what?” Donut said, confused. “I was gonna say that you two were planning secret parties without me. Oh man, that’s way less scandalous.”</p><p>“Never change, Donut.” Church said, relieved that nobody was yelling anymore.</p><p>[Why are you all yelling?] Lopez said, walking into the room. [I’m trying to ignore your existence.]</p><p>“Are you kidding me? Lopez knows too?” Grif yelled.</p><p>[I don’t know what you mean and I don’t want to. Goodbye, idiots.] Lopez said, leaving the room.</p><p>“That guy’s got the right idea.” Tucker said.</p><p>“Hey guys, I feel like a large gathering indoors like this could be some kind of fire hazard.” Doc said, walking in the room with Junior in his arms.</p><p>“Doc, leave my kid out of this!” Tucker said taking his kid in his arms.</p><p>“What’s going on, is this a party?”</p><p>“It was, before everyone walked in on us.” Sarge said.</p><p>“You aren’t making things better, Sarge.” Church said.</p><p>“Is this an unreported sexual relationship?” Doc said, pushing everyone aside to get to the two of them. “I need to examine both of you right away.”</p><p>“Blarg!”</p><p>“Yes, Junior, they were.”</p><p>“Blarg?”</p><p>“No, not like me. That was different.”</p><p>“Blarg?”</p><p>“God I hope not, we don’t have enough diapers for that.”</p><p>“Guys!” Church yelled, getting everyone’s attention. “Look, okay, yes, me and Sarge are together. We have been for a while. This is fine, this isn’t some big deal, there’s no need for anybody to freak out or start yelling or anything.”</p><p>Everyone stopped and looked at the two of them.</p><p>“Who’s dick is bigger?” Kai asked.</p><p>“Me.” Sarge said triumphantly as everybody groaned.</p><p>“Look, I know ok fine, you think it’s gross, whatever.” Church said, trying to calm everyone down.</p><p>“Understatement of the century, buddy.” Grif shouted back.</p><p>“But, you’re all gonna have to just get used to it.” Church grabs Sarge’s hand.</p><p>“Now, men, I know this might be a confusing time for all of you.” Sarge said.</p><p>“I’m not confused, sir,” Grif said, “the way I feel can’t be described in words.”</p><p>“I’m still in shock so I’m gonna schedule my breakdown for tomorrow afternoon.” Simmons said, writing something down in a day planner.</p><p>“I’m seriously just glad I’m not being left out.” Donut said.</p><p>“But this is just gonna have to factor into our battle strategy from now on. New rule numero uno: if any of you shoot my boyfriend, I’ll shoot you next.”</p><p>Caboose raises his hand, waving excitedly.</p><p>“Um…” Sarge points at him. “Yes?”</p><p>“Do I have to follow the new rules too, because shooting at Church is just a thing that happens sometimes.”</p><p>After a long, exhausting conversation of answering questions and yelling at everybody to calm down, Sarge and Church finally got everybody settled down. Sarge walked with Church across the canyon on his way to Blue Base.</p><p>“Y’know, I think that went well.” Church said.</p><p>“Well, nobody hates us for it.” Sarge said.</p><p>“Eh nobody was ever gonna hate us for it. They have plenty of better reasons to hate us.” Sarge laughed and squeezed Church’s hand. “I’m pretty sure that was the first time you called me your boyfriend back there.”</p><p>“Oh.” Sarge said. “I didn’t even notice. Just kinda… felt right.”</p><p>“Even though I’m a Blue?” Church teased.</p><p>“Oh, don’t you worry. I can turn you red real quick.”</p><p>“Sarge, save it for the barracks.” Church said, smiling under his helmet.</p><p>Before Sarge walked back they gave each other an affectionate tap of their helmets, holding each other in a hug for a few moments. Church walked back into his base watching Sarge pass over a hill on his way back. Church walked by Sheila as he made his way inside.</p><p>“Did you get caught, Church?” Sheila said in her bubbly voice.</p><p>“Yes, Sheila.” Church answered, exasperated.</p><p>“I warned you this would happen.”</p><p>“Shut up, Sheila.”</p>
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